i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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