just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
