last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
