U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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