My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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