I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My liver just had a heart attack.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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