When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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