I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Panties = found
Randomize
