i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
