'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
