God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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