i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
soo... how was my night?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
