Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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