i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
