I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
operation harelip BJ is a go
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
