when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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