Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
