I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
