so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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