I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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