Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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