I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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