I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
