Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
