I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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