whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
