Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize