Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
