Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
