Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
