you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
