I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
