genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
