Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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