You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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