Ambien. No doubt about it.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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