girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
