i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
