maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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