He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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