We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
