You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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