Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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