In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
