whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
