i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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