I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm like, not good at living.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
