I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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