I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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