she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
