super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Drunk is a universal language darling
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
