Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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