i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
