dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
either way he was missing a nipple.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
