You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
