How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We talked him into tasing himself.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
