My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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