this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
