Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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