the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
