he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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