can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
