every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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