You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
