Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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