I wanna passion pit in your ass
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
