how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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