he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
