Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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