I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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