question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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