So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
