I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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