Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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