I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize