Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
