vagina is talking i cant
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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