dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
